# 3-01, Friday October 13, 1995

• Dave the O.J. Souvenir Guy
Dave slashes prices on all his merchandise: Ready to wear Mark Fuhrman white sheets, O.J. Cutlery, and Paula Barbieri wedding dress.
• Referendum Point of View
Jacques Parizeau says yes, Jean Chretien says no, and an average Quebecer says maybe because they are so used to having it both ways.
• Canadian Moment
Topics: Paul Bernardo, O.J. on Murder She Wrote, new 45 stamp, delinquent dads, Pope in New York, NDP Convention and explaining the Quebec situation with the help of a coffee and doughnut.
• Lucien Briefing
A briefing from an aide leaves Lucien Bouchard so mad he has to put his foot down!
• Klutzes Hotline
It will leave you head over heels in love.
• Looney News
The nightly looney report.
• Canoeing Beer Ad
Coureurs de bois paddle boat and peddle beer.
• Chicken Cannon
The target du jour: Pork and beans with a side order of cat food served up to Ontario Premier Mike Harris.

# 3-02, Friday October 20, 1995

• News From Away
With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole Lucien Bouchard wishes more Quebec women said "yes"; Montreal Canadiens management shuffle; Canadian Sex Survey; Ivana Trump visits Moncton while Kim Young Sam visits Canada; Ottawa Rough Rider fraud and Toronto man's roomate is eaten by dog.
• Canadian $2 Coin
You'll want to call the New Canadian Coin the "barely" because it's barely worth two bucks!
• McDonough In Corridor
Alexa McDonough has everything it takes to be leader of the NDP: she's already an unknown!
• Message From The Premier
Croonin' to the cutbacks with Ontario Premier Mike "The Knife" Harris.
• Canada AM
Early morning television for people who are still asleep.
• Referendum Prophecies
A Prophet on the Mount sermon that focusses on the Referendum, and all those associated with it.
• Mountie Home Shopping Club
Michael Eisner has a new spokesperson for all the Disney merchandise.
• Chicken Cannon
Today's special: lobster, poutine, and some split pea soup, served up on a Jacques Parizeau cracker.
• Dino Slims
Cigarettes for young kids. Why wait until you're a teenager? Get addicted now!

# 3-03, Friday October 27, 1995

• "OUI" Wins!
Royal Canadian Air Farce is first on the scene with exclusive Referendum results, of the biggest question to come out of Quebec since the announcement of the Montreal Canadiens new head coach. Complete referendum coverage in half an hour or it's free!

# 3-04, Friday November 3, 1995

• Royal Call
After phoning the Queen, Jacques Parizeau discovers his fingers can do more than just the walking.
• Bat Manning Forever
Preston gets tough, and cheap!
• Rex's Charts
Rex Murphy's graphic referendum rigmarole.
• Leading Tableaus
Bill Clinton, Jean Chretien and Boris Yeltsin speak their minds.
• Pamela Wallin Live
Lucien Bouchard cries the post referendum blues with his intellectual equal Mike from Canmore.
• Stand-Up
Guest comedian Lorne Elliot give an anglo-Quebecer's slant on the referendum.
• Kosher's Korner--Raptor
The world's shortest free-standing basketball player is a guest on Kosher's Korner.
• Jock McBile
Jock's referendum wrap-up.

# 3-05, Friday November 10, 1995

• Sussex Intruder
A night-time intruder scares the "poo-poo-larity" out of Jean and Aline Chretien.
• Talk Show Line-Up
All your favourite tv talk show hosts are called to order.
• Parliamentary Remembrance
A moment of silence can seem to be an eternity in a "rememberable" way.
• Young Offenders World
The new show where kids learns their A, B, C's: Arson, Burglary and Corruption. (SPECIAL GUEST: Mr. Dressup)
• Prof. Aphazard
Professor Llewelyn Aphazard reveals the latest in "patches"  since the nicotine patch
• Head On
The talk show for hot heads with your host, Howard Head. Today's guest: Sheila Copps.
• Death Watch
Boris Yeltsin: going, going, not gone!
• Chicken Cannon
Guest gunner: Mr. Dressup (Ernie Coombs). Target: Everyone's favourite purple flea bag, Barney the Dinosaur
• Videopinion
"For Canadians Who Give A Buck". A Smoker literally foams at the mouth to make his point.

# 3-06, Friday November 17, 1995

• News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole
Mike Harcourt quits; Bouchard goes provincial; Canadian Spies; Karla's parole; fish license increase; Izzy Asper buys WIC; Olestra; Macleans Magazine turns 19; Di's going to tell all.
• Mike, From Earth...
Mike boldly goes where no man has gone before--the beer store-- then fixes the Canadarm.
• Trudeau on Impact!
Wendy Mesley interviews Pierre Trudeau about his new book "The Canadian Way".
• Canadian Moment
U.S. Government bankrupt; bike helmet law; heath care system; broccoli fights breast cancer; immigration quotas; overdue library books in Montreal; mink ranch break-in; Manning/Charest at same fund-raiser; Chretien criticizes CBC over referendum coverage then leaves for Japan.
• Member for Kicking Horse Pass
Dave Broadfoot looks into the future 50 years.
• Grey Cup
Grey Cup weekend in Regina: Fun, Football and Frostbite!
• Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me
Gilbert has a V-Chip on his shoulder.

# 3-07, Friday November 24, 1995

• Royal Rebuttal, Part 1
The royals rebut the Princess Di-atribe.
• "Separatist Careers"
Lucien Bouchard introduces his new board game.
• Larry King Live
Special Guest Yoko Ono sings "undiscovered" Beatles songs.
• Jock McBile
Jock takes a closer look at the relationships between the players in the Airbus conference.
• Mulroney Airbus News Conference
Former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney denies all allegations.
• Bingo Parlour Commentary
New headlines go up in smoke!
• Royal Rebuttal, Part 2
The royals rebut the Princess Di-atribe.
• Herb Gray and Closet Elvis
Herb and Elvis introduce new security procedures for 24 Sussex Drive.
• Royal Rebuttal, Part 3
The royals rebut the Princess Di-atribe.
• Christian Athletes
Three Christian Athletes pray to their saviour: booze, drugs and the wild life.
• Royal Rebuttal, Part 4
The royals rebut the Princess Di-atribe.

# 3-08, Friday December 1, 1995

• Diana 2020
Princess Diana, 25 years and 50 pounds in the future.
• That Old Time Refooooorm
Preston Manning cruises into Stornoway and does the Risky Business of Reform 'n Roll!
• CP Spike
CP Rail drives the last spike into their Montreal headquarters.
• CBC, The Sequel
Perrin Beatty surfs the new, leaner CBC schedule.
• The National Cutback
Peter Mansbridge and Hana Gartner learn to cope with cutbacks to The National and The National Magazine.
• Gun Control
A gun activist shoots his mouth off against the government's new gun control legislation.
• Chicken Cannon
The Brian Mulroney Casserole: Sour Grapes, freshly skimmed cream, chili (that will give you a kickback) and some festive marshmallows.

# 3-09, Friday December 8, 1995

• News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole
Topics: New Canadian Coat of Arms; bulldozing Paul Bernado's bungalow; Premier Mike Harris cuts to healthcare and education; CP Rail and Patrick Roy both head west; Silken Laumman has a street named after her; TSN shocks its viewers; Rat sex in space; an underwater interview with a studly cod.
• Lucien and Audrey
Lucien Bouchard must deal with a restless wife.
• Camtel Omega
The dangers of a car phone.
• Dave Broadfoot
Memories of a child's Christmas in Hogtown.
• "Where's My Pogey?"
Lloyd Axworthy's new game show!
• Jock McBile
Jock talks taxes, hockey, and anti-fur activists
• Leonard Cohen's Christmas Album
Leonard Cohen's manic depressive sing-a-long Christmasalbum.

New Year's Special, December 31, 1995

• Canadian Moment
The Donut Shop regulars year end review, with coffee refills courtesy of Progressive Conservative leader Jean Charest.
• Beavertone News Update # 1
Tainted Blood results
• Siskel & Ebert
A look back at the movies of 1995: Apollo 13, Pope Fiction, Tortellini E Mozzarella Prima Vera and Father of the Bribe.
• 1995 Quickie Review
Boris Yeltsin's Chechnya headache.
• Pirates Canada
A year end message from the leader of the party.
• Pamela Wallin Live
Lucien Bouchard sees double on Pamela Wallin live--with special guest the real Pamela Wallin.
• Ottawa Private Eye
An Ottawa private dick goes public with his views on 1995.
• 1995 Quickie Review
CNN reporter Bobbie Dibattista's O.J. update.
• Beavertone News Update # 2
Ottawa privatizes Canada's air traffic control system.
• Preston Manning
The real Preston Manning is a guest on the program "I Love That Word Ref-o-o-or-r-rm."
• Red Green Calendar
Possum Lodge's Red Green (a.k.a. Steve Smith), demonstrates how to make a calendar out of a beer case.
• 1995 Quickie Review
Brian Tobin and his one lonely turbot.
• Canada AM
Canadian Astronaut Chris Hadfield appears on CTV's Canada AM.
• Gilbert Smyth Bite-Me
Media Critic Gilbert gnaws on the events from 1995.
• 1995 Quickie Review
Jacques Parizeau phones the Queen and finds his finger can do more than just the walking
• Jock McBile
Jock's 1995 Hero of the Year--The crew of the HMCS Calgary and Corporal Rob Fisher.
• Prime Minister's Address
Jean Chretien's end of year address.
• 1995 Quickie Review
Brian Mulroney's airbus rebuttal.
• " I remember it well"
A bum and a bag lady in Ontario warble out 1995.
• Canadian Moment Finale
The Donut Shoppers return to make their plans for 1996.

Instant Classics # 1, Friday January 12, 1996

• Message From The Premier (#3-02, October 20, 1995)
• Bingo Parlour Commentary (#3-07, November 24, 1995)
• Mike, From Earth... (#3-06, November 17, 1995)
• Royal Rebuttal--Queen (#3-07, November 24, 1995)
• Royal Rebuttal--Queen Mum (#3-07, November 24, 1995)
• Cutback National (#3-08, December 1, 1995)
• Jock McBile (#3-07, November 24, 1995)
• Canoeing Beer Ad (#3-01, October 13, 1995)
• Klutzes Hotline (#3-01, October 13, 1995)

#3-10, Friday January 19, 1996

• Bingo Parlour Commentary
Bingo patron discusses the news of the week. Stories include: the Duchess of York's financial woes, O.J. Simpson's new video tape, Michael and Lisa-Marie breaking up and Brian Tobin's new job as Newfoundland Premier.
• Bibby & Bibby
The law firm of Bibby & Bibby help subway passengers ride the red rocket to easy street
• Airport Immigration
Nothing gets by an airport immigration officer
• Chretien's Genie
Jean Chretien returns from India with a magic Genie and goes ape.
• Russian All-Star
A Russian hockey players wants to show that Doug Gilmour is nothing compared to his own marketable value.
• Queen's Rebuttal
The Queen becomes a bit 'crotchety' over the latest scandal involving her husband, Prince Philip.
• Clinton's Financial Woes
President Clinton discovers he's financially impotent.
• P.J. Nosliw
Internet Computer wiz P.J. Nosliw surfs the net

#3-11, Friday January 26, 1996

• Brian Tobin
Brian Tobin gets sworn at and sworn in as the new Premier of Newfoundland
• Canadian Moment
Donut shop regulars for fluorescent over NHL All-Star pucks. Also discussed: Jean Chretien's cabinet shuffle, Yassar Arafat, "Chloro-Fluoro-Carbons", and a comment on the O.J. Simpson phenomenon
• CTV News
Lloyd Robertson's interview with a war torn couple hits close to home.
• Bouchard's Pension
Lucien Bouchard achieves separation between himself and his pension
• 1-900-WEA-THER
Calling Environment Canada's new 1-900 number will have more than just your temperature rising
• The Macintoshes
A Scottish lad from the McIntosh clan discovers the wife he has choosen is 'incompatible'
• Customs Book Censor
A customs officers tries to censor a book store owner's books
• Chicken Cannon
Colonel Stacy takes aim at The Cheese Guy

#3-12, Friday February 2, 1996

• News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole
Jimmy and Seamus celebrate their two favourite rodents, Wiarton Willy and Brian Mulroney.
• Professor Aphazard
The Professor explains the aging process to baby boomers.
• Veronika's RRSP's
Veronika, She-Wolf of the RRSP, gives out her investment tips.
• Les Green Acres
Lucien and Audrey Bouchard have their eyes set on greener acres, he in Quebec, she in California.
• Barflys
Two guys in a bar talk about shooting the bull.
• Garbage Terminator
Recycling, Air Farce style.
• Dating Hotline
Mike from Canmore finds his perferct match, and she's actually human.
• He's Not Bitter
Jean Chretien's latest shuffle deals John Nunziata the cold shoulder, but he's not bitter.

#3-13, Friday February 9, 1996

• Star Satellite
Stan's Satellite Dish Service, doing to the cable company what they keep doing to you.
• Martha Stewart
The Martha Stewart Nightly News: Crime, Corruption and Crafts.
• Fishermen Retrain
A couple of fishermen learn to catch fish with their new Internet.
• Steel Town Woman
Perrin Beatty's new CBC series: Lights, Camera, Copps!
• Jock McBile
Six feet under and affording it.
• Chicken Cannon
Lucien Bouchard encounters spearation with the help of the Chicken Cannon.
• Prime Time Magazine
Preston Manning tells Hana Gartner why he wants to be Leader of the Opposition.

#3-14, Friday February 16, 1996

• Flag Day
Jean Chretien's Flag Day antics, also known as Hull-a-mania
• Venture
Robert Scully looks at our country's most endangered species: Canada Pensions.
• CTV News
Sandie Rinaldo talks NDP leadership with British Columbia's biggest woody--a douglas fir.
• Economic Outlook
Dr. Scumm takes a look at Canada's economic future.
• Fifth Estate Quickie
Tonight on the fifth estate: laplander dancing.
• Dave Broadfoot
Dave offers his observations on the differences between Canadians and Americans.
• Canadian Moment
The real Sheila Copps visits that Mecca of Canadian Culture, the Doughnut Shop.
• Politically Correct Minute
Politically correct terminology from a politically correct guy.

#3-15, Friday February 23, 1996

• Bingo Lady
The Bingo Lady, in her new scooter, takes aim at the latest headlines.
• Paul Martin--Taxes
Paul Martin, in preparation for his upcoming budget, explains how Canadians aren't really overtaxed.
• Icebound Husband
A woman is worried about her husband when he doesn't return from walking the dog one cold, winter night.
• Siskel & Ebert--Oscars
Gene and Roger, when they're not too busy insulting each other, take a look at their favourite pics for the Oscars.
• Two Herbs & Closet Elvis
Closet Elvis's advisor, the real Herb Gray, Solicitor-General, drops by to give some advice.
• The Paranoid
A paranoid barfly reflects on the Canadian Conspiracy to get him.
• Canoe Guys--Portage
William and Jacques are on portage.
• Chicken Cannon
William and Jacques finally get under the gun.

#3-16, Friday March 1, 1996

• Manning-Gauthier
Preston Manning becomes the Leader of the Opposition.
• Sally Struthers--Appeal
Sally Struthers solicits money for the needy--striking Ontario civil servants.
• RCMP Detail
Two of the RCMP's finest are assigned to a dangerous mission--security detail for the Prime Minister.
• News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole
Jimmy and Seamus talk about the move everyone was expecting the Great One to make and Diana's decision to get a divorce.
• Newsworld
Newsworld's Nancy Wilson has an interview go up in smoke.
• Hussein
Saddam Hussein talks about his blood relatives.
• Jock McBile--Pensions
Jock McBile experiences pension tension.
• Glen Clark Denial
The new BC Premier, Glen Clark, throws another scandal on the fire.

#3-17, Friday March 8, 1996

• Impact--Paul Martin
Putting Canada back in the black will be easy for Paul Martin, both he and his latest budget are already in the dark.
• Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me--Junos
Air Farce's resident critic Gilbert Smythe Bite-me hands out his Junos list.
• McDonald's Baby
What's making the baby cry?
• The Inept Carpenter
Roy Earle, the Inept Carpenter, gives a new meaning to the word tool.
• Canadian Moment
The donut shop regulars prove the deficit is just like a jelly donut: no matter how you approach it, it always leave a mess on your hands.
• Nation's Business--Member for Kicking Horse Pass
The Honourable Member, Dave Broadfoot, answers some of his constituents' most pressing questions.
• Mixed Up Newsworld
During a television strike, CBC management personnel try to fill in for their on-air and off-air personalities.

#3-18, Friday March 15, 1996

• Chretien Returns From Egypt
Deputy Prime Minister Sheila Copps fills Jean in on what's been happening in Canada since he left for Egypt.
• Queen and Queen Mum Interview
The Queen and her mother discuss family problems in an interview--the Queen whines, and her mother "wines".
• Billion Dollar Bankers Club
A billion dollar banker asks, "buddy, can you spare a sawbuck?"
• CTV News--Yoko and Yassar
Yoko Ono joins Yassar Arafat's bed-in for peace.
• Jock McBile--Americans
Jock answers the American critics.
• Chicken Cannon
U.S. Senator Jesse Helms "gets stuffed" with some Cuban contraband.
• Antiques Road Show
A bumpy ride for the Antique Road Show.
• CTV News Update
• OPSEU Strike
A striking civil servant learns his placard is a sign of the times.

#3-19, Friday March 22, 1996

• Academy Awards--Lucien Bouchard
Academy Award vote counting with Lucien Bouchard.
• Head On with Howard Head
Keith Spicer is a guest, talking about the V Chip, and why you need one.
• Hemorrhoid Commercial
Fun with hemorrhoids...
• News From Away with Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole
The lads look at something old, new, borrowed, and blue; Hyakutake comet, the new Molson centre, pictures of Pluto and Sister Bonaventure from Our Lady of Perpetual Expletives.
• Hockey Mom
Hockey's toughest and most violent competitor: the Hockey Mom.
• Videopinion--Homolka
Man on the street takes note of the inquiry into the Homolka plea bargain..
• Sedition
Bloc Quebecois MP Jean-Marc Jacob learns the meaning of the word sedition.
• Preston Manning Songbook
A musical treasure you'll want to bury.

#3-20, Friday March 29, 1996

• Nation's Business
Don Newman discusses the recent by-elections with Preston Manning and discovers that the Opposition Leader Wannabe is one seat short of a full load.
• Story Time
Uncle Al and Auntie Hilda's story time sounds like real fun.
• Pope and Mother Teresa
The Pope and Mother Teresa sing their favourite song, "Born To Be Catholic".
• Confused Philosopher
A confused philosopher asks questions like "Do firemen have sex after smoking?"
• Beavertone News--Bomb Sniffing Dog
A bomb sniffing dog discovers his job is a real blast.
• BBC--Mad Cow Disease
Mad cows on the BBC, the British Bovine Channel.
• Street Guy
A street guy says he's not homeless, just between mortgages!
• Brenda, the Bingo Lady
Brenda comments on a number of topics, including a look at Canada's former Prime Minister, Brian Mulroney.

#3-21, Friday April 5, 1996

• Canadian Moment
The Air Farce doughnut shop regulars uncover the first known case of Mad Cheese Disease..
• S&M Block
Leather, whips and chains can only mean one thing: it's tax time at S&M Block..
• Stumpy Tom Conway
Stumpy Tom sings his way out of the closet.
• Red Green
Guest star Red Green builds a low cost clock radio.
• Paul Martin and Sheila Copps
Paul Martin and the GST--the Goodbye Sheila Tax.
• Professor Aphazard
Helpful hygiene hints from the professor.
• Chicken Cannon
The chicken cannon goes out with a Royal bang!
• Clinton and Yeltsin
  

Instant Classics # 2, Friday April 12, 1996

• Martha Stewart News
• P.M. Security Detail
• McDonalds Baby
• Politically Correct Minute
• Jock McBile - Pensionsaul Martin and Sheila Copps
• Nation's Business: Preston Manning
• Macintosh Marriage